Fallout
by MrRizzoli
Summary: One shot based off of Mariana's Trench's Fallout. Angst. At least I think it is. Making it T rated cause honestly... I don't know why but hey. Haha.


Something I wrote back in December. You may have read it if you followed my Rizzoli and Isles blog. I've fixed some of my grammatical errors and such.

Angsty. Not that 'angsty' is a real word but who really cares? Haha. Italics are song lyrics.

Um... Yeah. Haha.

Tell me what you think?

Also, I don't own jack. Except the iphone the story was typed on and the computer it's being uploaded from.

* * *

I've never been one to make a big fuss over ended relationships. I've never been one to make a big fuss over good relationships for that matter but this one... This one hurts.

_An empty room,_  
_I'm empty too_  
_And everything reminds me of you_

My bed smells like her. My clothes smell like her. I've been an emotional wreck for days. It's really not like me.

_So many things_  
_I shouldn't have missed_  
_The more that I push_  
_And the more you resist_

She always told me, "No matter how much I push you away, push back!" She said pushing people away when things got too serious is just how her body reacted.

_It's easy to say it's for the best_  
_When you want more_  
_While you leave me with less_

I did as she asked. Every time she pushed me away, I pulled her closer. I did this for two years. Two whole years of her fighting. Two whole years of her loving.

_I know you're fine, but what do I do?_  
_I know you're fine, but what do I do?_

And what do I have to show for it? A broken heart, a headache, and a quiet home. She took everything of hers but everything I see in my own home, has memories of her attached to it.

_I'm awake, and trying_  
_While you're sleeping like a babe_  
_Beside him_

I'm alone in this big bed. Alone in this big house. Where is she? She and Grant are sharing her apartment. Her bed.

_I'm on the ledge while you're so_  
_God damn polite and composed_  
_And I know you see me_

In case you're wondering, yes, I said Grant. The same man who called her "Roly Poly Rizzoli".

_And you're making it look so easy_  
_What comes and goes,_  
_I'd go without_

I heard they're having a baby. They've been together for four months and she is six weeks along according to Angela. We were together for two years, she said she wasn't ready for children.

_I know you're fine but what about_  
_(Fallout), Fallout (fallout), fallout (fallout), fallout_  
_Through the Fallout_  
_(Fallout), Fallout (fallout), fallout (fallout)_  
_You're the fallout_

Did I mention that she just ended things with me four days ago? The day after she found out she was pregnant. She didn't tell me about the baby though.

_Well now there's him,_  
_And now there's me_  
_The secrets you give_  
_And the secrets you keep_

She had the nerve to tell me that I was just a phase. Normally, I would accept and understand this but let's review the facts; We were together for exactly 2 years and 19 days. She's 34 years old. I'm 33. She was sleeping with someone else for the last 4 months of the relationship.

_And nevertheless_  
_It's never you let_  
_The more that I give_  
_And the less that I get_

Does that sound like a "phase" to you? It sounds like a lie that was meant to make me feel better, to me. It didn't make me feel better. It made me feel worse.

_Don't tell me to fight,_  
_To fight for you_  
_After this long, I shouldn't have to_

I wasn't good enough. I wasn't even given the chance to prove I could be good enough.

_I know you're fine, but what do I do?_  
_I know you're fine, but what do I do?_

Now I can't sleep at night.

_I'm awake, and trying_  
_While you're sleeping like a babe_  
_Beside him_

I toss and turn. Jerk awake like I'm falling from a cliff.

_I'm on the ledge while you're so_  
_God damn polite and composed_

I wonder how work will be? What will she do when she sees me? What will I do when I see her? Will we even see each other? Probably. I'm chief ME and she's a homicide detective. Our paths are bound to cross.

_And I know you see me,_  
_And you're making it look so easy_  
_What comes and goes,_  
_I'd go without_

I wonder how Frost and Korsak will react? What about Frankie? Tommy will probably try to sleep with me. Angela says he and Lydia are having problems now that TJ is getting older. How does Angela feel? She seemed indifferent when she called.

_I know you're fine but what about_  
_(Fallout), Fallout (fallout), fallout (fallout), fallout_  
_Through the Fallout_  
_(Fallout), Fallout (fallout), fallout (fallout)_

I don't think I can handle this. I don't know how to live alone anymore. Angela says she's getting her own apartment. She is like my mother. Who do I turn to for help? Certainly not my own mother. She'll just say "I told you so."

_I know you're fine but what about_  
_(Fallout), Fallout (fallout), fallout (fallout), fallout_  
_Through the Fallout_  
_(Fallout), Fallout (fallout), fallout (fallout)_  
_You're the fallout_

I feel like my heart has stopped. Jane was my "one". She even said I was hers. I called her my penguin because penguins mate for life. She called me her otter because they hold hands while floating so they don't lose each other. Silly, I know, but I just wish she had meant it.

_I know you're fine, but what do I do?_  
_I know you're fine, but what do I do?_

I need more wine. I need Jane.

_I know you're fine but what about_  
_(Fallout), Fallout (fallout), fallout (fallout), fallout_  
_Through the Fallout_  
_(Fallout), Fallout (fallout), fallout (fallout)_

At least she's happy now. If you love something, set it free, right?

_I know you're fine but what if I_  
_(Fallout)_  
_I'm awake, and trying_  
_While you're sleeping like a babe_  
_Beside him (Fallout)_  
_I'm on the ledge while you're so_  
_God damn polite and composed_

I'm going back to only trusting dead people.

_(Fallout), Fallout (fallout), fallout (fallout), fallout_  
_Through the Fallout_  
_(Fallout), Fallout (fallout), fallout (fallout), fallout_  
_Through the Fallout_  
_(Fallout) FALLOUT (fallout)_  
_FALLOUT_


End file.
